Disclaimer: This is a throwback post from our old blog…and since we posted it we have ANOTHER little one on the way! Cross your fingers and toes and say a little prayer for your people! We gotta get another little one on schedule so we can keep the love growing!

growing Intimacy imageSo , You’re at the beginning of what’s bound to be a great night for you and your mate and if y’all are anything like us, “It’s been a while”. You’ve put the kids to bed and your house is clean and quiet. You might be getting the first real kiss you’ve had all week…you might be even further. When suddenly— “eh..EH…WAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” The gates of hell open up and release every demon imaginable…at least that’s what it sounds like….and that’s what you FEEL like! AGAIN! UGH!!!
You can tell I wrote that from experience can’t you? Yes! If we haven’t lived through that a thousand times in the short time our sons have been here…and now there will be three!

Be honest, we’ve all been that kid too!

So trust when I say, we feel you.

Not too long ago, that was the story of our “love life”. Always a bad dream, a hungry baby…or some imaginary monster that invaded right when we were “getting there”.

Now that we have a little more time in, we can look back and be grateful that THAT’S over with; and we can tell y’all how we changed it.

With our anniversary coming up (tomorrow :)- and without a baby sitter- what better time to share a couple ways we’ve learned to keep our intimacy growing with little ones springing up all over!

dating my spouse, intimacy, raising family, black family life
•Redefine Intimacy-

This one’s kinda easier said than done.

I figured I’d put it first because if it makes you run scared, you probably shouldn’t read on.

Tuning in to the mainstream media a little less goes a long way here.

When we’re not being told what intimacy should mean, it’s easier for us to appreciate our own ways of getting and staying close.

Reworking your definition of “intimate” really awakens your relationship to new possibilities.

You start to savor quiet moments, you share longer hugs and deeper kisses. Cultivating closeness and intimate conversation, when you build it right, can be enough to hold you over until the next time you can get the kids to sleep through the night.

•Let them learn to love through you-

OK, so as much as some of us would love to believe that the boob tube is “just entertainment” , IT’S NOT!

Gone are the days when our eyes got covered when a couple kissed on screen.

Try covering your kids’ eyes everytime something “inappropriate” happens (yep, even on Disney) and the poor child will miss the whole show.

So since their gonna learn it anyways -through TV, music, or school- why not let it be through you?

Now of course there’s a line! Don’t go getting all rated-R in front the babies- but don’t be afraid to kiss, hug, and show affection.

Our children are definitely watching how we love each other and learning how to love their (future) spouse. So let’s gift the next generation with the love lessons we’ve had to learn on our own.

•Know when to ignore the noise!

Ok, so there was a time in our marriage when our second son would wake up crying ANYTIME we tried to get close.

It could be 3 am and we’re both waking up out of a cold sleep, he could be two rooms over- but it never failed- he was gonna stop that train!

We were easily the angriest people on the block for those milliseconds!

And yes, for a minute we even wondered if he was possessed!

It seemed like even when he was fed, clean and worn out, it didn’t matter.

Until I learned when to ignore those cries and let him fall back to sleep.

Now I know there’s gonna be some who say “never ignore a crying baby”, and to them I say- You do YOUR thing!

If I know my baby is cared for and comfortable, and I know my husband-and me- needs some love and affection, baby has to wait. And that’s not selfish.

We have to remember to take care of ourselves too. And just like food, water and air- love is a vital need.

When we feel less “frustrated” and more intimate with our “other”, the flow of the home is smooth and easy. Soft and inviting.

When our men don’t feel that their needs are being neglected, they’re better able to provide the needs of the family with focus and a positive attitude.

So know that if you’ve been tending to babies all day and night and you’ve made sure they’re safe and cozy, it’s perfectly fine for you to tend to yourself and your man.

•Keep It Light and Fun-
No matter how much (or little) loving you may be getting, stay light hearted about it.

No doubt, if you’re being interrupted everytime like we were, both you and your mate are feeling the effects. Still, keep an optimistic attitude and look forward to “next time”. If you’re stopped right in the middle, let it be funny.

By keeping the mood light, in spite of how dreadful it may really feel, you leave a good space to pick up where you left off. You also avoid the feelings of resentment some couples harbor toward children who may be a little needy.

Never forget the “this too shall pass”.

One day your children will be grown and gone and- admit it or not- you’re gonna miss them being “your babies”. You’ll look back and laugh at everytime you looked up and there was a little head peeking up at the end of your bed.

Laugh it off now and watch your love grow!

A couple that knows how to laugh together can grow closer through any obstacle.

Here’s to growing in Love!

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