Our society seriously undervalues the job of motherhood these days.

It makes me so sad to see women feeling like they’ve accomplished nothing if they choose to be stay at home moms.

Like seriously, NO job is harder! Especially when you’re not shipping the kids off to daycare, school and a thousand extra curriculars. But even if you do, that’s still a LOT of work to do!

Some days I wonder how I make it to bed with my hair still attached to my head. And those are the days I DO get a glass of wine to unwind!

motherhood, black woman, black mother, self care, melanin, motherhood, mothers love, mothers day, black mom

It’s hard out here for a mama.

The one job that, if it ever went undone, humanity would cease to exist – and western society has the nerve to undervalue us!!

But what that’s created is an environment where WE undervalue us too. So often I’ve run myself down to the bone – like, to the point of cracking all the way up and cussin’ everybody out! But who’s fault was it?

Mine! Because I didn’t take the time to REGULARLY check in with myself. I felt guilty about taking breaks from mothering and wife-ing and the whole “mompreneur” situation to make sure I was good.

It’s wild how we feel guilty about taking a break from a 24-hr job but breaks are REQUIRED on 8-hour jobs.

I had to learn the hard way that self care is NOT an option, it’s a necessity! Now I sing the self care song to ALL my mom friends. Because you know what..? The kids won’t die if they cry outside the bathroom door for a while. Your husband won’t starve if you need to go meditate before dinner…or before bed. It’s OK to let some things go undone for a while so you don’t COME undone!

How in the world will they survive if you do that? So, short spurts of pampering and care are really GOOD for everyone. The better you take care of YOU, the better you’ll be able to take care of them.

Here’s some things you can incorporate into your days to reward yourself for all that hard work you do!

 

5 Self care habits to make motherhood easier:

  • Meditation: Ok, I know it’s super cliche and overused but meditation really is a life saver. It helps you get back to your “center” when things are going crazy. Being so busy by nature, it was hard for me to do at first but I started with short 10-minute sessions. Try a few minutes at first then work your way up as you get more comfortable. Find small spaces of time in your day to fit in moments of pure SILENCE! Try not to think about your to-do list during your meditation time. That kinda defeats the purpose
  • Get outside: Connecting to nature, even just sitting in a patch of grass helps you get grounded when things get overwhelming. Starting a small garden – even just a container garden- is also helpful. It works double duty if you start a veggie garden because, of course, it’ll cut your grocery bill.
  • Find a mom group: I haven’t done this yet but I know they exist. Yes, there are support groups for mothering like there are support groups for recovering alcoholics….because mom life will send you on a spiral into debauchery of course! LOL!But no, really, there are other moms out there going through exactly what you’re going through and it helps to support each other through the trying times and celebrate the good times together. Live people is always best but if you only have time to join a forum, that’s cool too.
  • Exercise:Not only does exercise release endorphins and other stress reducing hormones, it makes you feel good about yourself. It releases tension too. And if your hubz is anything like mine, you’ll feel super desired while you’re in your workout gear and yoga’ing on the living room floor.
  • Make A Single Serving: I do this ALL the time, especially when hubz is gone. When the kids are having nap time or playtime, I hide away in the kitchen with one serving of something delicious and indulge in the fact that I don’t have to share! Sure it SOUNDS selfish but it does wonders for my sanity girl! Hub and I also do this right after we put the kids to bed sometimes. It keeps our bond alive when we can do “just us” things even when we don’t get out together often.

What I learned from my own breakdown is this: We teach our families how to treat us. So, most times when we feel like they don’t appreciate us, it’s because they see us not appreciating ourselves – putting our own needs and wants and letting our threads get thin. We think they’ll appreciate the sacrifice but usually they don’t, because WE don’t. Sure we want to carry the “righteous” torch of being super-sacrificial lamb-mom but lay it down girl! They’ll live and you’ll live BETTER.

 

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