I usually stay away from the blog…it’s kinda her thing. But I’ve been in a funk I just couldn’t shake so she suggested I write about it. Hopefully it helps another brotha do better than I’m doing.
Lately I’ve been feeling like a failure, and while I often hear from my Yahya that I’m not (I am so very grateful for her love and confidence in me), most of the time it still doesn’t smother the feeling of letting them down. More so letting myself down.
After years of working regular jobs as my source of providing for myself and my family, it’s definitely a new and interesting slew of feelings and emotions that come along with losing your job and deciding to follow your dreams and God given purpose. But what is this emotion thing anyway? When they say you don’t become a man until you have a family, they ain’t never lied! I’m learning parts of myself that I would’ve never known without them.
It’s a battle everyday to stay positive in what looks like negative situations.
But it’s necessary to push through the negative thoughts and I usually do. I try to always look on the brighter side of life. Things are never worse than they seem.
When it gets to be mind boggling and tummy twisting, I have to remind myself that it’s just a space, that this thing probably won’t last a day, let alone forever. As long as I know what God wants and I have the constant support of my lovely wife Yahya, I’ll be aight…
There was a time when I wouldn’t even say all this. I’d be mad at myself and just shut down. I thought that was the best way to keep the negative energy contained – but it wasn’t …because every man knows, when somethings wrong, a woman won’t leave it alone until you tell it.
I’m glad I got over those problems with communicating. It makes it a lot easier to deal when things aren’t A1…and it makes it easier for my helpmeet to actually HELP.
Being vocal about my issues helped me learn a strategy to deal with ’em when they show up.
- When I wake up with that “one of those days” feeling, I get right into planning how I can set myself up to win the day. When you’re not bringing home the bacon it’s easy to feel like a loser but I’m learning to appreciate small victories – like keeping up with my to-do list and staying committed to spending some time with God. You gotta stay prayed up when you’re ready to give up.
- I stay close to my support system. One thing about my wife is, she will hold your ass accountable! Sometimes it can seem pushy but she knows how to get results. Make sure you keep people around you who want what’s best for you. Folks who want to see you on top and will help you get there. I have a rule, “If you’re not speaking life, we’re not speaking”…Period.
- I keep my faith up. IT’S HARD man! It’s hard to walk by faith when your tank is on E and the bills are due. That’s when I know it’s time to go even harder though. It’s time to put WORK in because if I just sit around beating myself up, I’m not helping anybody. I heard that when you can’t see anything happening is when everything is happening and I choose to believe that. I’ve seen that.
It’s funny how we can see it happen over and over again but overtime the rain comes we think the sun will never come out again.
I’m learning to trust God more in this space. I’m communicating better and telling my ego to shut the heck up so i can be helped.
I’m starting to see the rays of sunshine behind the clouds.
Trouble and anguish have taken hold on me: yet thy commandments are my delight”