So you got married. Then you realized that it’s more than just a white dress and a night filled with 90’s R&B shared with 200 of your closest friends and family…or a runaway wedding in Vegas. Yep, if you’ve been married for any length of time, you’ve probably noticed that life starts coming at you 100 mph as soon as you say “I Do”. It’s like all the forces in the universe say “Oh, you do?”
In our first year of marriage my husband lost his job, twice. There was a shooting in our old neighborhood that left a bullet hole in our front door and another through the kitchen wall, and we topped that year off with an unassisted home birth. To say it was a whirlwind would be an understatement, but we got through it.
Today, joblessness is plaguing MANY. At the same time, our generation’s need to find our true purposes is ever increasing and, thankfully, so are marriages.
But what do you do when you’re newly hitched and the burdens of life become a lot to bear? What do you do when your friends, family and your social media groups are telling you to “ditch that loser” because your spouse has fallen on hard times?
We’ve been there. In marriage, it’s a never ending rollercoaster of ups and downs, and surprisingly, most of them come from OUTSIDE the marriage. The number one rule to sticking it out is having each others’ back.
This is three things we do daily to keep our vision steady and keep our dreams alive.
Cheer each other on
Whether you’re dreaming of opening a law practice together or just trying to get through the next week, life will try you both. Together, and separately. Even in the best of marriages, you never truly know what your spouse is dealing with inside. Good team players know how to cheer each other to the next big victory, and also, how to encourage each other through the losses.
Cut the world off
From social media to mainstream media, from friends to in-laws, negative opinions about marriage, your spouse, and living out your dreams together are coming at us left and right. Not only do we need to know how to field them when they come unexpectedly, we have to actively work to eliminate the ones we already encounter.
One of the best things we did for our marriage early on was to get rid of our TV’s. Yep, all of them. That may be extreme for some others but we knew where we wanted to take our family and how the media works against that. Consider the images and opinions you hear on a regular basis about black families and relationships. Are they helpful or hurtful?
Hold each other accountable
At the end of the day, married or not, trials and tests will come. Naysayers, or “haters” ain’t going nowhere. There will always be something, or someone, trying to prove to you that you “can’t” and your job is to prove that you can. Let the challenges and doubt fuel you to be more disciplined in your work, more committed to your goals and more eager to push each other to greatness. Hold yourself and your loved one to a standard of excellence so that your walk always matches your words and eventually your fruits works will speak loud enough for the both of you.
Focus on the WIN. The thing about teams is, you can only win if you play well together.
Believe in your spouse’s big dreams and the little steps to get there will be so much easier.
Proverbs 16:3 Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts shall be established.