Losing Myself in Motherhood DID NOT Make Me a Better Mother
5 years ago I was the epitome of a tired mama. I lived in my bonnet, my poor curls were dry and dusty, and my lint covered robe was my uniform.
I was a brand new, stay-at-home mama of two, living on one income, completely overwhelmed. I was tired and frustrated every day and crying every night – and I knew something had to give.
Like most women I knew – my grandmother, aunts, mother-in-law – I thought there was some high and noble calling to be found in losing my entire identity in being a wife and mother. I thought someone would show up with an award for Most Invested Mom because I was willing to be a martyr to my true self and bury my dreams in my children and husband – wrong, wrong & WRONG!
While I was losing myself in being Mom of the Year I was actually half-assing my whole life. I was cooking meals from scratch, making organic baby food, cloth diapering, and had hubby’s work clothes ironed every morning. Now, I loved (and still love) doing all of those things. But doing all those things without taking time to nurture myself, as a woman, did not make me a better mother or wife.
What it did make me was resentful. Being a great mom and wife was something that I’d always dreamed of but the way I was going about it had me in the fast lane to hating my life, having a perpetual side-eye for my husband, and being constantly frustrated with my children.
What I’d been taught, “Mothers don’t have a life anymore, everything is for your children now”, was running me into the ground.
I knew something had to change and FAST. First, I needed to carve out time for myself. No matter what I knew that I had to start refilling my cup if I wanted to continue to pour into my family.
I also knew that even though I had chosen the stay-at-home mom life, I needed to create something outside of my family that I could use to nurture my gifts, skills, and talents. As much as I’d looked forward to being a “kept woman” (yep, I’m quite alright with admitting that), once I was in those shoes I was bored af, and I wanted to contribute to our family’s future.
That was the beginning of what you see today. Taking more time to nurture me gave me more time to nurture my family. It also gave me more joy to share, more peace to pass along, and more seeds to sow into the people I love the most.
That’s why I’m so passionate about helping women heal – big pains and small, nagging aches – because when a woman can show up as her best self she can give her best to everything else.