If I kept it short and sweet, I’d say – feminism is tiring and I cringe at the idea of eye bags and cynicism eating away at my uncrackable blackness.
But I’ll explain because this topic deserves a deeper dive. Being short about it would imply that I don’t appreciate the intent behind the work that many male and female feminists put in, and that’s not the case here.
But for me, not being a feminist is like… have you ever attended an intimate event where folks cluster into pockets of people, doing their best to make an introverts attempt at “getting to know each other”?
If you live in “the deep” like me, you’ve probably had one of those just-warming-up conversations instantly interrupted by a difference of fundamental opinions that laid a pregnant pause of awkward over the whole group?
It happens anytime the topic of feminism comes up and I, having built a name in the field of femininity, am expected to plant my feminist flag, or at least pledge my membership to the club, and defend the case of every woman, everywhere.
I’ve felt the laughter leave the room when I quickly express that “I am not a feminist” – with a period, not a question mark, or a comma.
I am Feminine, and there is a difference.
An iconic woman once said, “a woman who aspires to be equal to men lacks ambition.”
She was right.
If you’ve been around for a while, (I’ve been teaching #femininity for the last 7+ years on social) then you know this isn’t the first time I have said that I am not a feminist.
Do I believe that women are as valuable as men? HA! Yes! In many cases, more so.
Do I believe that women should receive equal pay? Again, emphatically, more!
Do I believe that women deserve to be respected, to be heard, and to feel protected in the world? I undoubtedly do.
From time immemorial, wars have been waged and fought to protect the value and virtue of women. Women are treasures to any environment we touch when we are in touch with our true power, rather than waiting for permission –– and that is precisely why I am not a feminist.
Over the last 5 years I have dedicated early mornings and late nights, budgeted piles of books, extensive curriculums, and endless coaching into our household plan, while creating hundreds of hours of content – all to shine a light on the transformative power of being a woman.
So, if I believe all of this about women, and I do all of this for women, then why am I not a feminist?
To make it plain, Newton’s Third Law: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
When I study and observe feminism, the most prevalent word that comes up is: FIGHT.
When women fight men (or anyone) for what God has already given as a birthright, that’s an action. When men and institutions fight back – that’s a reaction.
When we fight tooth and nail for the top spot in an industry, sacrificing needs and even wellbeing, that is an action. When the work wears you out, makes you question your worth, and breaks you all the way down – even in the penthouse suite – that is an equal and opposite reaction.
My mother always taught me, “WHAT YOU FIGHT FIGHTS YOU BACK”
There’s so much power in valuing your energy enough to stop ignoring the signs that the fight is wearing you down. Men were built to fight, and there in lies their value.
I love seeing women who are energized by womanhood – wherever you are on the journey – not drained and jaded by the endless sacrifice that comes with the burden of proof that you are worth “just as much”.
So I opt-out of the fight of feminism and opt-in to true feminine power.
True feminine power is how some women easily influence the men (and women) in their world to be allies and advocates, not adversaries. Knowing how to navigate your power means not fighting for $1 because they’ll gladly give you 2.
and then some…
Imagine being able to get your needs met in any setting without ever needing to say, “don’t worry, I’ll do it 😑” 😭🙌🏾 #Blessings
I tried doing it all myself once, and I don’t need to visit that prison twice.
Leveraging your #femininity is how you attract your complements in personal and professional relationships. It’s how you surround yourself with your people who will advocate for, and stand in allegiance with you – while also holding you accountable for being your excellent best.
Feminism encourages an outside-in approach to defining the issue, yourself, and your value. This centers the very things you don’t want as the solution to your growth.
Feminine power is seeded, nurtured, and matured from the inside out. But, while the seed is always there inside of you waiting to grow, it’s up to you to want to cultivate what you’ve got.
Femininity is the key that unlocks every door.
Feminism, on the other hand, is like breaking the windows the get into someone else’s house when your mansion has been personally prepared just for you.
Now is the perfect time to learn how to tap back into the softer strength inside of you so that you can grow your greater half.
The grind is grinding you down and the fight has you chronically fatigued. I’m just here to tell you there’s another way.
Maybe you’re feeling the call to go deeper and unpack that feeling that this can’t be it, but will you answer the call or press ignore, again?
This much I know, feminine power, in the truest sense, is a BIG, elevated conversation that most women aren’t yet ready for. But there are many who are and they’re opening the flood gates of a whole new world for themselves, their families, and their purposed assignments.
While “-isms” have had their place and paved an incredible part of the journey, we’re living in evolutionary times and a new model of the ancient art of womanhood is emerging.
Being flexible enough to release what is not working to embrace evolution as it beckons you is the benchmark of a successfully feminine woman.