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August 20, 2018 Family

My kids are part of my self care

I know, crazy right? But hear me out.

6 years ago when I went from one child to two, I was stressed out and overwhelmed. Have you ever gotten everything you prayed for and it doesn’t fee l like you thought it would? But, you paint on a smile and try to be grateful?

That was me.

Daily, I was growing to resent what I’d wanted all along so I knew that it was time to do something different. I was pouring from an empty cup and I needed to be filled.

The thing was, my children were young, my husband was working all the time and we didn’t have sitters.

Fast forward 4 more years and here I am STILL raising young children (babygirl is 10 weeks old), grateful for a part time nanny, and running a busy business from home.

If I hadn’t found a way to incorporate self-care on a regular basis, I’d probably be a bald-headed scalawag, and my permanent uniform would be a house coat, busted slippers, and dark circles.

So how did I make self care a regular practice WITH 4 little children in tow?

I learned to include my children in my self care rather than trying to make every self care moment a solo effort.

But what does that even mean?

I’ve learned that self care for me needs to include laughter, play, and tapping into my inner child. It’s something that we don’t really think about as adults – the time we need to play. But it’s important.

The more I’m learning to play again, the more free I feel, the more relaxed and rejuvenated I feel, and the closer I get to the little people who depend on me to teach them what healthy relationships are.

If we’re talking about living well and being well loved, no one loves you more than a child – especially a child that feels loved and appreciated. That can be hard to accomplish when you’re burned out and stressing.

So, even though I love taking private self care moments away from the kids – and I commit to at least 90 minutes per week of private time – I also love doing things that include my children and my own inner child.

One of our favorite things to do as family self care is to visit the Knock Knock Children’s Museum. It’s about an hour out of New Orleans in Baton Rouge, La. and it is one of the best children’s museums we’ve ever been to.

What I really love about Knock Knock is that there are tons of volunteers so I don’t have to feel like a hawk watching over my babies. The play areas are just big enough to stretch out and enjoy without being so big that the children are out of the range of my “mom voice”.

Another thing that makes me feel super relaxed is to see my husband at play. You know how men are, super serious, always in “dad mode”…well, at Knock Knock, even hubs gets to take a load off and just play with his boys. There are so many learning activities that really don’t feel like learning and we LOVE to stop in and check out the monthly artist-in-residence.

I’m extra excited to be celebrating the museum turning 1 year old this month and I’m inviting other mamas to come out and get some self care through PLAY with me and the fam-bam on August 26. The whole week will be full of awesomeness, but Sunday is the BIG Backyard party and I’m excited to get a chance to let my hair down (or my curls out) again!

Have you learned to include your kids in your self-care routine?

Hop in the comments and share how you do it!

April 9, 2018 Essence of Womanhood

Are you running away from me-time?

How many times have you guilted yourself out of girls night out? What about taking a few indulgent hours of me-time in the middle of the week?

I know I’m not the only mom who has gone to the mall determined to shop for just me and ended up leaving with bags from every kid store, and none of my own favorite stores.

order dapoxetine online india But hey, self-sacrifice is a part of the job. Right?

There must be an award for being the most worn out, stressed out, tired mother on the block (with the “happiest” baby on the block), isn’t there?

For every “Women are exhausted because…” headline I see, I immediately think of all of the mom groups I’m a part of where it almost feels like a competition in the who-can-get-the-least-me-time olympics. Overwhelmed mamas are ripping at the seams trying to hold it all together and nobody – I mean nobody – is telling us that things can be different. Better yet, they should be different.

It’s true, there is no job more full-time than that of being a mother. Especially a mother to multiple kids. Factor in the moms who choose to stay home, homeschool, run businesses, and more – and you’re talking about one woman working the equivalent of 3-5 full time jobs.

I know this space all too well. I’ve spent the last 6 years engulfed in full time stay-at-home-motherhood. The first two of those years were full of me overgiving, overcommitting, and overextending myself in an effort to be everything to everyone.

At first, I thought I was just doing my job. I thought “that’s just what moms do.”

Most of us fall into the same trap. Giving the absolute most until our cup is bare and dry and wondering why we feel so empty.

I narrowly escaped that narrative with my wits about me so, realize that while what I’m about to say may gather your life up a little bit, it’s needed.

Not just for mothers, but for many high-functioning women who put themselves on the very back burner. I’m looking at you who keeps rescheduling (or completely cancelling) your coaching/nail/gym appointment…

STOP. RUNNING.

Yes, I said running. SOmething you probably don’t think you’re doing, but most likely you are.

You see, me-time creates quiet space. Long spaces of solitude that many women don’t want to endure. It can feel too much like lonely…or lazy.

I had a conversation with my business coach once where she said something that totally shocked me. She said that some people are using “hustle” as a distraction from the real work. Hustle has a template. It’s controllable. However, emotional healing, relationship restoration, spiritual growth – there’s no template for those things and sometimes, trying to tackle them can be intimidating.

So, are you running from me-time and the “void” that it can create? Are you coparing your productivity to other women around you and giving yourself less grace because of it?

We’re getting down to the root of restoring the feminine connection to ease, grace, and accomplishment without overwhelm in the Mending the Mother Wound Masterclass.

As women, we deserve to recharge. As mothers, co-creators, incubators, nurturers…and everything in between, we deserve to take all of the hats off for a moment with zero guilt so that we can have more to give and more room to receive. If thinking of throwing your cares to the wind for a while makes you anxious – you’re not alone. There is space for you in the circle of women changing the narrative from exhausted to exhilarated. And you fill that space by saying YES to you.

I dare you!

CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE MASTERCLASS

January 24, 2018 entrepreneurship

3 strategies for choosing your word for the year

Have you noticed the new trend of choosing a word for your year instead of making resolutions?

I think it’s pretty cool and for the last few years I have been choosing a word, several words, or a phrase to kind of help me shape my actions going forward.

Another way to say it is intention

In 2017, I chose the word consistency. That means I had to consistently show up, even when I wasn’t “feeling it”. It was humbling to even admit to myself that I wasn’t being as consistent as I should’ve been in the first place. It was also freeing at the very same time.

Choosing a great intention will help you to stay in alignment with your vision when the path to get you there gets uncertain. It is a great way to keep yourself centered in your life and disciplined on your journey.

This year I chose a few words. I’ll share those in a minute.

Before I share which words I actually chose, I wanted to share with you how I chose them to help you with a framework for choosing your own words, or beefing up the ones you have by creating a phrase.

3 strategies for choosing your ‘word’

http://yoma.ca/"/augmentin-xr/ • Map out your vision for the woman you want to become. How you get there is secondary to knowing where you’re going. Remember that. Your word is the vehicle that will drive you to your goals. Well, it’s one of the wheels on the vehicle, but you get my drift.

Realize that your vision is what has to be clear as day in the front mirror if your word is going to be effective. With that being said, choose a word that has enough air and weight in it to carry you where you’re going. Words like consistency, delegation, stewardship, investment, and submission are weighty words that have enough lightness to not feel burdensome.

Remember, your words have power.

buy cialis with priligy online • Add an action to your word. Think about the steps you need to take to realize your vision. Are they outward steps or inward steps? What type of investment is required? What kinds of experiences will you need to be exposed to? Is there some packing and unpacking to be done?

Think about your vision and get clear on the process involved so that you can choose a word that can help you stay focused.

• Make it bigger with a phrase, or add complimentary words to give your word further context. I like to create full on declarations around my word to help give it a boost and a daily energy shout when I say it out loud.

Instead of using ‘consistency’, saying “I will show up consistently in my inner and outer work. Consistently positive, consistently valuable, consistently ready to receive!”

Doesn’t that have a lot more energy and life? It gives you permission to work and rest, and show up big in your service, while being served.

My word(s) for 2018

2018 feels like a ‘turning over a new life’ kind of year. It also feels like a year for restoration. I’m so excited to act on the vision and implement everything I learned in 2017.

I chose the word ‘expansion‘ first. I wanted to make sure that I chose a word that would stretch me outside of my comfort zone and cause me to reach. Once I chose expansion, I realized that I’d need to keep ‘consistency’ in maintenance mode until it becomes a fully set-in habit. This is an important point because moving from year to year doesn’t void your words from other years.

Finally, I chose ‘commitment‘ because I know myself. In order to sustain my expansion, I’ll have to be constantly reminded that I am committed to it. No quitting, no turning back.

So, how are you choosing your word this year?

Remember that the year starts in spring (naturally), so don’t feel pressed about picking a word right this second. You have about a month (at the time of this writing) to figure it out.

Love Yah

January 17, 2018 Essence of Womanhood

on reclaiming my femininity…

Admitting that you’re soft is a hard thing for a woman who walked through life being “tough” so that “no one would mess with me.”

Looking back, I’m not sure who I thought would mess with me but I definitely know where it was rooted. Being raised in a city like New Orleans teaches you early to stay on your guard. Being raised in a home with more tears than smiles will have you defending yourself from the world.

And so, that’s where I was.

In the words of Ms. Lauryn Hill, I was being a hard rock when inside I was a gem.

It took me years of being “strong”, angry, and not taking any sh*t before I finally burned out.

I meet so many women now who are tired of being the strong one all the time. Check the history. We’ve been holding society together, holding families and entire communities on our shoulders, feeling weak for asking for help, and lazy if we ever sit down and rest – for centuries.

That’s not what I wanted womanhood to be for me.

After becoming a mother I had to get real with myself and ask some real questions.

Like, how are you going to keep a family full when you’re running on empty?

How are you going to teach compassion, love, and emotional awareness when you won’t even let yourself cry?

When are you going to forgive your past so that you can really enjoy the life you’ve been given?

Is holding on to this hurt really helping you?

If I had a dollar for every woman I speak to now who can’t ask for help – not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because she doesn’t know how to admit that she needs it – I’d be a quick ten thousandaire.

Reclaiming my own femininity gave me purpose, harmony, and ease in my life. It gave me work to do to reintroduce women to their softer side and help them to know that it is a good thing. Really, a great thing.

One of the most important steps I took was to allow myself to be vulnerable. It took a lot out of me to admit that I was tired of being strong, and that being tough hadn’t really done me any good. While my tough exterior probably stopped phantom muggers from accosting me on the streets, it did nothing to stop the men that I let into my life from hurting me much deeper.

You see, we have this false assumption that being hard and guarded will protect our hearts – but it doesn’t. A hardened heart is much easier to break.

Reclaiming my femininity made room for healing.

From healing my womb by softening enough to forgive, to healing my relationships by admitting that yes, I needed and wanted a good man to love me, to healing as a mother – reclaiming my femininity made room for all of it. It helped me to realize that my original design, as an incubator for LIFE, would mean that no matter what seeds I allowed to take root inside of myself, they would flourish. That made me much more intentional about what and who I allowed in my space. Instead of being tough I learned how to be clear.

My journey has also made room for me to usher other women onto the road to restoration. As they say, healed women heal women.

Have you been able to reclaim your femininity? What have you learned in the process?

P.S. If reclaiming your femininity, creating healthy boundaries, and restoring your heart around relationships is important to you – let’s work together! I’m working side-by-side with 40 women in a powerful mastermind program this year to creae significant transformation in your journey through womanhood and positive relationships. Apply Now

January 10, 2018 black family life

forgiveness & fertility : my journey

At 19, I didn’t know much.

Of course, I thought I knew it all but we all know how that goes.

I was living fast, expressing what I thought was freedom and running.

I was running hard and fast from myself, from my past, from looking in the mirror – and most of all, from my mother.

Being raised in a “rich” family, people expect for you to have a charmed life. They see the cars, the house, the STUFF – but they don’t see behind those beautiful glass doors into the fact that everything inside is breaking down. The fabric of family is tearing at the seams and love; well, love was a constant battle in those days.

In the midst of all of my running, I was stopped in my tracks by debilitating cramping. EVERY.SINGLE.MONTH.

When I finally decided to stop self-medicating and see what the issue was, I was hit with a ton of bricks. My womb was riddled with fibroids, cysts, and “endometriosis”. I had no clue what it was but I had Google. The resident on duty told me that the likelihood of me ever having children was slim. Super slim, and that if I did I’d probably have problems.

I was broken. My body was broken. All I could do was blame myself, and ask, “why me?!”

I’d always been afraid of becoming a mother because I didn’t want to become MY mother – but hearing that I’d never be a mother shook me to my soul. It was a bone-deep kinda pain that made me realize the truth.

In spite of it all, I did want children. I wanted the opportunity to reconcile my past and build my own picture of the future. I wanted to know that I could be better than what I’d grown up around.

So I started researching.

I researched every herb for womb healing, every naturopathic doctor, every Youtube video shot on a VHS recorder (there was some gooood stuff with the tracking lines too!) I found out so much about how my lifestyle was contributing to my health.

Those who know me know that I’m an all or nothing type girl so trust me when I say, I went all in. My diet changed, my prayer life changed, my language changed – and all of that lead me to my most important change – slowing down and looking at all of the things that I had been running from.

You see, in my running, I’d run into everything I was trying to avoid. I ran right into an abusive relationship, right into homelessness, right into being broke as a joke with no clear direction.

And then I stopped.

Somewhere in my research I stumbled upon the work done by Drs. Jewel Pookrum and Christiane Northrup. Both women’s health experts revealed that after years of study they’d concluded that womb health was deeply connected to unaddressed emotions, past pain, loss, and energetic stagnation. That gave a whole new meaning to my self-work.

I realized that what I now call the “mommy scar” was living right inside my womb and the only way to heal was forgiveness. So, I wrote her a letter (never sent it but I wrote it), I reached out after spending years not speaking to her, I apologized for the part I’d played in it all. Little by little, eventhough she wouldn’t or couldn’t admit her faults at the time, I began to free myself.

Of all the external work I’d done, this job was most important. Herbs were a huge help (which I later turned into the Queen Maintenance Kit). Eating well was life changing. But to be honest, the thing that created the most lasting healing and set me on a course to change my physical, spiritual, and even my financial health – was forgiving my mother.

Now, I’m well aware that there are women who are infertile and there is no known solution, but this was a solution for me and many women I’ve worked with since that time.

I had to acknowledge the pain, bitterness, and anger that were living in my womb. I had to forgive my mother, my father, and myself. I also had to realize that forgiveness doesn’t mean that everything will be roses. It doesn’t mean that the person will ever change or that you will rebuild a relationship immediately. It simply means that you are freeing yourself – on purpose.

That was 10 years ago. As I’m writing this, baby #4 is doing flips inside of my belly and I’m grateful. I have a much better relationship with my mother now – I think becoming a mother helped with that. Forgiveness didn’t justify any of what I experienced growing up, but it did remove the burden of trying NOT to be her, and helped me appreciate how much of her I actually am. I find myself sounding exactly like her at times and instead of beating myself up about it, I embrace it. I take it as an opportunity to be more intentional in my growth as a mother and a woman.

Have you had to forgive your mother? How has it helped you on your journey?

September 21, 2017 Beauty & Confidence

On moving away from my “masculine”

“She’s so angry!”

“She’s too aggressive”

“She’s so loud”

At some point, every woman of color has heard this, either about herself or about another woman of color. Our first instinct is usually to turn up our noses, huff in annoyance, and give a mean side eye. I know because that was me.

I was so tired of hearing folks who had no first-hand experience of what it means to be a black woman, especially in the “west”, telling me who and how I should be. It was frustrating to spend so much of my time trying to be acceptable to men, society, and other women only to be constantly dissed and ditched by the same.

I can’t tell you exactly when the light bulb starting flickering in my attic. I think it was around the time that my father said to me, “everyone can’t be wrong, baby”. Something about those words nagged at the back of my mind (I side-eyed him at first) like a scratching cat in a metal box. Suffice it to say the scratching was loud and wouldn’t let up.

See, I had been through the ringer in relationships at that point. My relationships with men were full of toxic arguments, fighting, and constantly feeling abandoned. There are only so many times you can love and lose before you ask yourself “what’s wrong with me?” The worst part was that I had no girlfriends I could air my grievances to, because my connections with other women were non-existent. From the time I was a child, I could only remember having half of a handful of genuine girlfriends and most of them had moved on with their lives. So, that gave me all of the loneliness I needed to take a long, hard look at the what, the why, and how to fix it.

What I realized was that I was the total opposite of the woman I really wanted to be. Most women who find themselves in that space will realize the same thing. We grow up with this ideal image of who we will be – the husband, the house, the 2.5 children, the amazing business and freedom based lifestyle. And then reality hits you like a flatbed speeding down an empty highway. Sometimes the mere effort of grasping for that image in your mind, the fight to attain and maintain it brings up aggression you didn’t know you had.

Most of us never choose to be masculine. I mean, really. Who would want to be like a man other than a man? The truth is, the pain, the pressure, the constant battering on our souls, and that whole part about having to “be the man and the woman” hardens our hearts as we try to protect ourselves from the blows. Even watching another woman go through it can have an impact on how you show up.

Add that to the fact that the only images we’ve seen in the mainstream of feminine women are either damsels in distress, or vixens – and any woman who wants to be something more can feel forced into the box of being masculine to get there.

But is it working? Is it getting us where we want to be or are we just floating further away from shore as we’re trying to fight the tides?

June 29, 2017 black love

#EssenceFest2017 Black Owned Business Guide: A Native’s Guide to New Orleans Black Owned Businesses

There’s nothing quite like the beauty of the first weekend of July in New Orleans. The convergence of music, soul, and beautiful brown folks is not to be missed!

Last year I shared a list of local BOB’s (black-owned businesses) to support while enjoying the Essence Festival scene. It was one of my most popular posts ever!

As a black business owner in New Orleans, it’s so good to feel an abundance of support during such a stimulating time for the New Orleans economy. Often, BOB’s are left out of the equation because visitors just don’t know who or where we are.

So, for the second year in a row, I’ve compiled a list of even more amazing businesses to patronize while you’re in town!

BEST FOOD:

The Munch Factory : 1901 Sophie Wright Pl New Orleans, LA 70130

Just off Magazine St., The Munch Factory is a DELICIOUS, modern, and fun take on classic New Orleans cuisine.

I recently had the Salmon and Grits with Asparagus. I’ve been in the south my entire life and I don’t think I’ve had grits that good – EVER!

Their Munch Punch is a MUST if you’re in New Orleans to party — who’s not in New Orleans to have a good time?

Highly recommended for those looking for the BEST in authentic New Orleans cuisine. Also available on the Waitr app so you can order to your hotel.

Check out the menu here.

Nourishing and delicious salad from Meals from the Heart

Neyows Creole Cafe: 3332 Bienville St, New Orleans, LA 70119

Neyows Creole Cafe comes highly recommended by…everyone. I haven’t been in a conversation about black-owned restaurants in New Orleans in the last year where Neyows wasn’t mentioned.

Not far off the beaten path of the French Quarters, they offer southern soul food options like authentic red beans and rice, fried chicken, mustard greens, and more.

Ms. Beasley’s Vegan Food Truck: 1415 Tulane Ave, New Orleans, LA 70119

What’s is there NOT to say about Ms. Beasley? She’s such a sweet and spicy ball of light! Her amazing food and her service has been featured as far as the Ellen DeGeneres Show!

The selection is not only fully vegan and plant based, it’s actually GOOD! Not all vegan food is created equal and Ms. Beasley’s takes the top spot for me.

Her veggie burger is flavorful with great texture, her Caribbean style sweet potatoes are whipped to perfection, and my favorite – the Mighty Protein Plate – is everything you need to keep your energy up to enjoy all of the festivities!

Add a Berry Up smoothie to your order for good measure. You won’t be disappointed!

Meals from the Heart Cafe: 1100 N Peters St #13, New Orleans, LA 70116

Located right in the French Market, Meals From the Heart is easy, healthy, home cooked fare that will fill you up after a night of fun. The open air environment is perfect for people watching, Insta-worthy photos, and only steps away from the unique French market vendors. (Many BOB’s there too!)

SERVICES:

Nola Therapy Room: 2800 Manhattan Blvd C, Harvey, LA 70058

If you’re worn out from all the walking or just in need of a little R&R, make sure to tap into Nola Therapy Room. New Orleans premiere black-owned spa offers individual, couples, and group packages. From a date night with a private chef to a fun girls day out. Nola Therapy Room is a beautiful break from the hustle and bustle of downtown.

Owner, Tedra Chaney (R) with Anthony Johnson of the New York Jets

Nola Organic Spa: 211 S Broad Ave, New Orleans, LA 70119

If you’re looking for a great mani and pedi, right off the beaten path – Nola Organic Spa is a cool new locale for – organic nail services.

They’ve also added mink lashes to their offerings so you can have the no-makeup makeup look all weekend. It will be hot! Ain’t nobody got time for a full beat in this heat!

NuRLens Renaissance Photography: 2801 Monticello Ave.

If you want reeeeally Instagram worthy photos of your New Orleans adventure, NuRLens Renaissance Photography is my go-to photographer – not to mention my husband.

Packages include full and half day shooting with images auto-delivered to your email or device! Yes, you can get your professional photos instantly available for posting, right on the spot.

In town on business, or planning to pop the question? What better way to document than with real, top of the line photography services? Email for schedule and rates: NuRLensRenaissance@gmail.com

GOOD TIMES:

Victory Lounge: 339 Baronne St, New Orleans, LA 70112

From the well-stocked bar to the delicious gourmet bar food (truffle popcorn & baked brie anyone?!) this black-owned bar in the warehouse district is sure to please.

The drink I’d recommend? “Paging Dr. A!” It’s a fusion of goodness that you don’t want to miss!

Check out the food and drink menu here.

AbstractNOLA: Sundays 9p-2a at Gravier Street Social

If you’re looking for the artsy crowd, this is it. AbstractNola Summer SunDaze is a Sunday series highlighting amazing local talent and culture. Each week features a different musical performance, live painting, and an array of artisans from dancers to avant-garde fashion.

Set to the sounds of the best mixes from the 90’s to today, there’s just enough room to get up and dance, with more than enough comfortable seating to rest and enjoy the show.

If you’re looking for your favorites from last year, like Blackstar Books & Cafe and that Soul Salmon San’mich, checkout the #EssenceFest2016 Black Owned Business Guide here!

May 29, 2017 black family life

Losing myself in motherhood did not make me a better mother

Losing Myself in Motherhood DID NOT Make Me a Better Mother

5 years ago I was the epitome of a tired mama. I lived in my bonnet, my poor curls were dry and dusty, and my lint covered robe was my uniform.

I was a brand new, stay-at-home mama of two, living on one income, completely overwhelmed. I was tired and frustrated every day and crying every night – and I knew something had to give.

Like most women I knew – my grandmother, aunts, mother-in-law – I thought there was some high and noble calling to be found in losing my entire identity in being a wife and mother. I thought someone would show up with an award for Most Invested Mom because I was willing to be a martyr to my true self and bury my dreams in my children and husband – wrong, wrong & WRONG!

While I was losing myself in being Mom of the Year I was actually half-assing my whole life. I was cooking meals from scratch, making organic baby food, cloth diapering, and had hubby’s work clothes ironed every morning. Now, I loved (and still love) doing all of those things. But doing all those things without taking time to nurture myself, as a woman, did not make me a better mother or wife.

What it did make me was resentful. Being a great mom and wife was something that I’d always dreamed of but the way I was going about it had me in the fast lane to hating my life, having a perpetual side-eye for my husband, and being constantly frustrated with my children.

What I’d been taught, “Mothers don’t have a life anymore, everything is for your children now”, was running me into the ground.

I knew something had to change and FAST. First, I needed to carve out time for myself. No matter what I knew that I had to start refilling my cup if I wanted to continue to pour into my family.

I also knew that even though I had chosen the stay-at-home mom life, I needed to create something outside of my family that I could use to nurture my gifts, skills, and talents. As much as I’d looked forward to being a “kept woman” (yep, I’m quite alright with admitting that), once I was in those shoes I was bored af, and I wanted to contribute to our family’s future.

That was the beginning of what you see today. Taking more time to nurture me gave me more time to nurture my family. It also gave me more joy to share, more peace to pass along, and more seeds to sow into the people I love the most.

That’s why I’m so passionate about helping women heal – big pains and small, nagging aches – because when a woman can show up as her best self she can give her best to everything else.

Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself? What do you need to get back to you?

May 9, 2017 Beauty & Confidence

7 Things to #DiddyCrop Out of Your Life Today

Y’all!!! The #KingOfShade crown is resting squarely upon the head of Uncle Puff today! In case you missed it, Mr. Combs has the internet stirred up after cropping out the Jenner sisters in a photo packed with high achieving black men (50% of whom I admittedly cannot name), and boldly tagging #blackexcellence.

I laughed for a good 12 minutes after seeing it, and it got me to thinking – what other mediocrity should we be cropping out of our lives???

Well, in the spirit of Diddy, I came up with an excellent list of useless yet seemingly always-there scene stealers that need to go NOW – you’re very welcome.

7 Things to #DiddyCrop Out of Your Life

1. Naysayers – Everyone has them, no one needs them. You know the ones. No matter how great your idea, how positive your feedback, or how brilliant your business model – they always have a reason why it won’t work, it’s not good, or no one will care. Eliminate Negative Nancy and Petty Paul with the quickness. Those types of people have given up on their biggest dreams and would love nothing more than to have some company in their misery. Don’t let it be you.

Frienemies – Listen, there’s nothing cute about having a bunch of snakes around you. The idea is to be able to spot a snake in the grass, not turn it into your pet. In the day of social media, we tend to keep “haters” around just to say we have them. How about you crop them right out of your life so you can see your lovers better.

[bctt tweet=”When you spot the snake in the grass, don’t make it your pet. #DiddyCrop” username=”@theNspiyahdLife”]

Laziness – I hope you didn’t think the whole post was about the “other folks” who need to be removed. You already knew I was going to circle this Bentley right back around. LOL! Most of your goals aren’t killed by others, they’re shot in the foot because you “don’t feel like it”, or you’re “too tired”. The quickest way to crop out laziness is to consider the cost. What will your life look like in a year if you don’t get up and create it today?

Ungratefulness – Blessings go where they’re appreciated. Make it a point to tell God that you’re grateful for what you have. There’s so much more out here for you if you can notice what you already have.

[bctt tweet=”No one brings presents to the pity party. #NspiyahdLife” username=”@theNspiyahdLife”]

Limiting Self Talk – My good friend always says “You’re an AfriCAN, not an AmeriCan’t”. I always laugh. So many people fail, not because they can’t but because they tell themselves they can’t. One thing I’ve learned is that you should never be the one to tell yourself “no”. There are enough obstacles, challenges, and naysayers out here to say no for you. You don’t be the one to say no to yourself.

Pity Parties – When you know your time is limited, you watch the way you spend it. No one brings presents to a pity party, remember that. Spend your time crafting experiences that make you better, stronger, and wiser – and less time thinking of what’s not going “right”.

[bctt tweet=”Some people come to help you plant, others only want to pick your fruit.”

@theNspiyahdLife=””]

Moochers – Some people come to sow seeds, other’s only come to pick your fruit. Pay attention to the people who only come to take from you, never to give. They will leave you dry and empty if you let them. Keep company with those who are willing to help you till your soil, plant your seeds, and fertilize your garden. Those are the people worth keeping in your picture.

May 4, 2017 black family life

5 Reasons Why You Should Thank Your Ex

Black love and relationships are such a slippery subject nowadays. If you choose to inject yourself in the conversation (I do it all the time) – you might as well expect some hurt soul to come for your edges.

I try to always remember what it felt like to be fresh out of a relationship that I thought would last forever – only to realize that joker was just that – a joke.

What I’m far more aware of these days, and guard my edges when I speak on, is how much value there is in a breakup and how much power we have over the trajectory of our relationships.

Now make no mistake, you don’t have any power over something that was unequally yoked to begin with. The only power you have there is to unhitch yourself and keep it moving. And you should be thankful if you caught on quick enough to let go from the beginning.

But what if you held on for years?

Well, there are a good number of reasons you should be thankful too!

[bctt tweet=” “You don’t have power over something that’s unequally yoked to begin with. Your power is letting it go.”” username=”theNspiyahdLife”]

First things first, you now know how freeing it is to let go of dead things. Working in the garden has taught me many things. One of the greatest is that even though it hurts to cut away my prettiest flowers, it’s the only way the rest of the flowers will grow.

All the time you spend holding on, you’re actually forfeiting the blessings that you should be reaching for.

That brings me to the next point. Whether you left or they did you created space in your life.

When we have the wrong things taking up space we say things like “I’m going to wait until something better comes along.” What actually ends up happening is your “better” comes and you don’t have room for it.

Did your intuition tell you from the beginning that he just wasn’t the one? Probably so. One of the most valuable lessons that exes teach is for you to trust your discernment – the first time.

Many times your intuition is more subtle than the roar of loneliness, the need for companionship, or the tingling heat in your panties… yea, I said it. Going through the fire teaches you to trust that inner knowing every time it tells you that you’re about to get burned.

[bctt tweet=”Your Intuition is more subtle than loneliness, or the tingle in your panties. But it’ll save your heart from breaking.” username=”theNspiyahdLife”]

If you’ve ever felt unworthy in a relationship, you probably know how great it feels to look back and realize your true value. You take an inventory of all that you gave, how you showed up, and how much you cared and if you’re wise – you start to redirect that diligence to yourself and elevate your walk with God.

Exiting a toxic relationship can remind you of how valuable you are. Give thanks for that.

Thank your ex for showing you what you don’t want.

Many times we go into relationships with a laundry list of our wants, but we’re not so aware of the character issues, moral inconsistencies, and emotional unbalances that we don’t want.

Somethings you have to witness first hand to know that you absolutely don’t want to deal with it.

I never thought I’d be grateful for my ex, but I really am. One of the things I’m most thankful for was that he showed me how I was treating myself. That’s right. Your ex gives you a mirror of your self-worth. I thought that pampering myself was proving that I loved myself – until I had to ask myself “well, why are you putting up with xyz?” That’s what helped me realize that self-maintenance is not the same as self-love; and my past love life was a glaring example of where I was in my self-love life.

The journey through my own self-love battles inspired me to create the Self Love Series for other women. I didn’t want any other woman to have to go through that process alone.

Looking back, I’m so grateful for all the lessons I learned growing through what I thought was love. I learned that the truest love starts inside and radiates to those you invite into your life.

[bctt tweet=” The truest love starts inside and radiates to those you invite into your life.” username=”TheNspiyahdLife”].

Gratitude makes room for you to create more of what you desire in your life. SO before you drag your ex through the mud, ask yourself….